You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
