were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
