Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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