and you said cock pushups were impossible
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
