I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
