You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
