ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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