I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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