I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
