That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
