Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
