my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
