He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
