yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
