There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
