We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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