you guys were way drunker than both of me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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