Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
