3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
