is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Someone came in the potted fern
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
