watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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