Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
