I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think i have herpe
just one?
birth control should be required to get into college
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
