I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
