yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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