I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
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