Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
