I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
