Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
