3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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