I met the friendliest cop last night
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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