i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
