It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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