Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
