I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
