nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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