I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my being single is dangerous.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
