Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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