Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
