id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
