Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
