Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
