About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
