I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
