no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
