pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
