well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
