hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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