I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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