When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
