I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
zippers are such a cool invention
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
