So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
