Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
