genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
