We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
