i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
